Saturday, October 20, 2012

broken hearts

Two weeks ago my 15 year old nephew, Clayton, died tragically.  We are all so shocked and broken and just sad.  I debated on writing on our blog because this is our happy journey to our precious baby girl.  However, this is part of our journey.  My sweet sister and law posts a comment after every update -she has been one of our biggest supporters and can't wait to spoil her niece.  This blog is in honor of Clayton-we love him and will miss him forever. 

Clay was such a happy and goofy kid!  My kids loved it when Clay came to visit-he would do anything they asked and play whatever!  He and Connor would disappear for hours playing "big kid" stuff (video games of course), then he made time for the little ones.  Horseplay with Grayson and wii Just Dance with Brooksie.  He was just happy to hang out with his cousins.  When I was pregnant with Connor, Clay was just 3.  He was so excited about getting a cousin to play with-but you can imagine his disappointment the first time he saw a baby and realized it would be a few years before he could actually play!! There are so many happy memories of Clayton.  It isn't fair-we were supposed to have many more.  I know God has a plan for our family, even in our time of grief and such sorrow. 

A few months ago I had planned on writing a blog about "first and last". It hit me on the first day of school how many facebook posts I saw that said first or last-first day of preschool, first day of kinder, LAST first day (seniors), first day of college, etc.  I saw a picture of my nephew-first day of sophomore year.  I remember looking at that picture and commenting - WOW- because I knew it wouldn't be long and he would be posting LAST first day.  Also, I knew it was his LAST time to be driven to school-next year he would have his drivers license! If you stop and think about it, our entire life is made of "first and last".  For us in this moment, it is the first time my kids lost someone they love.  Unfortunately, it won't be the last. 

I also have spent moments thinking of our daughter in China.  I can see God's plan for our family at work.  We will get our referral when the time is right for all of us.  She is going to be a blessing for us-a ray of sunshine when we so need it.  I think she is going to be a place of healing for us, my parents and my brother and sister and law.  All of us need her now.  Every one keeps telling me how blessed she will be and how lucky she will be to have us.  I don't see it that way-I feel like SHE is the blessing to all of us and how lucky we are!

We love you Clayton!
cousins - Brooks, Connor, Kiley, Grayson, and Clay


10 comments:

  1. I was so sad to hear about this, Jennifer. Your family has definitely been in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. Thank you thank you for the crocheted goodies for little miss!!! I love them! So sweet. I can't wait to see them in her hair! I just got new pictures-have Jen send them to you!

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  2. His memory will always live on in all of your hearts. What a great picture to cherish of all the kids together. Love you

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  3. My heart breaks for all of you. I'll be praying for each of you, including your baby girl in China. How amazing to think that God has already chosen her, and has placed her in your eternal family, as well as that of her birth family! Love you all!

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  4. I am so sorry Jennifer. You are right, your little girl will be a breath of fresh air to your family. Praying for you!

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  5. Jen
    Thanks for stopping by my blog. First I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of someone is such a hard devastating journey! I loss my best friend when we were in the process of our first adoption. It was so hard and at the same time there was a healing that took place on the journey. God gave us a gift on this journey by being able to bring blankies to a village in memory of my best friends. It is the post titled "Beauty From Ashes"! Those two little girls were from our daughters orphanage. All 8 of the little girls left have been matched and will be going home in the next couple months and then they are turning it into an old people's home. We are praising the Lord for that and praying those little girl's paperwork flies at mock speed! Praying for your sweet girl, what an amazing journey even in the pain ... there is healing waiting for you and your family on this life changing journey. I can't wait to watch it unfold!
    Blessings
    Julie

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    1. Julie-I was just reading your update! Thank you fornyournsweet thoughts. I was actually planning to ask you about the blankets. I would love to take one with me in honor of my nephew. We have exciting news to come-after s little bit of paperwork is completed over the next few days! But I will tell you I think our little one resembles Ellie! I am so thankful all of the girls have found matches.

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    2. My computer keeps locking up causing typos. I will continue to pray for your sweet family and your medical journey. Our medical journey is a little unknown but we have complete peace. God is not surprised by any of this and I can't wait to see what is in store for my family. I rrs,ky think our little miss will be a place of healing for all of us.

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  6. Hi, found your blog through Baseballs to Bows. I am so sorry about your loss. Your family is in my thoughts.

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