Saturday, October 20, 2012

broken hearts

Two weeks ago my 15 year old nephew, Clayton, died tragically.  We are all so shocked and broken and just sad.  I debated on writing on our blog because this is our happy journey to our precious baby girl.  However, this is part of our journey.  My sweet sister and law posts a comment after every update -she has been one of our biggest supporters and can't wait to spoil her niece.  This blog is in honor of Clayton-we love him and will miss him forever. 

Clay was such a happy and goofy kid!  My kids loved it when Clay came to visit-he would do anything they asked and play whatever!  He and Connor would disappear for hours playing "big kid" stuff (video games of course), then he made time for the little ones.  Horseplay with Grayson and wii Just Dance with Brooksie.  He was just happy to hang out with his cousins.  When I was pregnant with Connor, Clay was just 3.  He was so excited about getting a cousin to play with-but you can imagine his disappointment the first time he saw a baby and realized it would be a few years before he could actually play!! There are so many happy memories of Clayton.  It isn't fair-we were supposed to have many more.  I know God has a plan for our family, even in our time of grief and such sorrow. 

A few months ago I had planned on writing a blog about "first and last". It hit me on the first day of school how many facebook posts I saw that said first or last-first day of preschool, first day of kinder, LAST first day (seniors), first day of college, etc.  I saw a picture of my nephew-first day of sophomore year.  I remember looking at that picture and commenting - WOW- because I knew it wouldn't be long and he would be posting LAST first day.  Also, I knew it was his LAST time to be driven to school-next year he would have his drivers license! If you stop and think about it, our entire life is made of "first and last".  For us in this moment, it is the first time my kids lost someone they love.  Unfortunately, it won't be the last. 

I also have spent moments thinking of our daughter in China.  I can see God's plan for our family at work.  We will get our referral when the time is right for all of us.  She is going to be a blessing for us-a ray of sunshine when we so need it.  I think she is going to be a place of healing for us, my parents and my brother and sister and law.  All of us need her now.  Every one keeps telling me how blessed she will be and how lucky she will be to have us.  I don't see it that way-I feel like SHE is the blessing to all of us and how lucky we are!

We love you Clayton!
cousins - Brooks, Connor, Kiley, Grayson, and Clay